this should be the most reblogged post on tumblr before it dies
We need to reblog this so much that the post breaks
Reblog pls
me after getting kicked off an overbooked delta flight
I am so weakkkk
No you don’t understand tho my dad literally used to do this. Before 9/11, when airport security was way more lax, my dad’s friend ran an airport scam ring with like 30 of his friends. They would literally do this - waltz on in to the airport, find a gate that looked overbooked, and buy a ticket. Because of the slower computer systems, they could get away with buying tickets seconds before a plane was announced to be overbooked, then offer to give up their seats for the cash.
They also all used to fly under my dad’s friend’s name and racked up like millions of frequent flyer miles. They’re pretty sure that at one point, there were five different guys flying under the same name in the air at the exact same time and the airlines just contacted the guy saying “oh there’s been a glitch.”
They never got caught until my dad’s friend got a passive aggressive letter from Delta in his mail THIS YEAR (15+ years after they stopped) basically saying “we know what you did.”
This is funnier than anything shitpostbot could ever dream of.
Only 32 days until this joke expires. Reblog while you can.
So my great aunt went to summer camp with Donald Trump and apparently they used to call him frumpy trumpy
Reblog to protect your blog from the Frumpy Trumpy
remember the wayside school books those were fucked up
remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat
some other truly exceptional Wayside moments:
-Paul keeps pulling Leslie’s pigtails so he gets sent to the counsellor’s office. The counsellor is a hypnotist named Doctor Pickell, and he hypnotizes Paul into thinking Leslie’s pigtails are snakes. Because he’s a troll, he also hypnotizes Paul into believing Leslie’s ears are delicious candy whenever Leslie says the word “pencil”.
-The class is taken over by the son of hated ex-teacher Mrs. Gorf. Because they killed his mom he uses his superpower of stealing people’s voices to steal their voices and call their parents to say how much each individual student hates their family. The students are forced to listen in silence, crying. (They are saved by the cafeteria lady.)
-Benjamin is too nervous and awkward to correct Mrs Jewls when she gets his name wrong, so he goes by “Mark Miller” for months. He finally says his real name to a substitute teacher. Everyone thinks it’s a great prank and also go by Benjamin for the whole day, including the teacher.
-Louis the yard teacher falls in love with substitute teacher Miss Nogard. She has a third ear on top of her head that allows her to listen to people’s thoughts.
-Joe is the only student to order the potato salad one day. The face he draws in it looks like Mrs. Gorf and she nearly turns Joe into an apple.
-Because Wayside School is 30 stories high, they installed elevators. One only went up and the other only went down, so they got used once and never again.
-Allison gets stuck on the 19th story, which doesn’t exist. Nobody else can see, hear, or remember her. The 19th chapter is three chapters long.
My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”
WOW i forgot about these until now and now its so vivid
we, our twenty three moments, since the very beginning defined ourselves, our love by the ability to overcome the impossible. and i still count those moments, those moments when we dared to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to shine bright the dark, to love the unlovable.
but all this ended, i was too weak for this strong love and this weakness soon will end me too. my twenty three moments of joy i know that the only thing i did for you, was burying my pain in you as a whole. i am sorry. i am really sorry. i can’t think right when i’m sober, i’m not creative without the dark. my pain is like the cold, the first time you sneeze everyone will get it to.
for the past couple of moments, days, weeks, months, years i have been thinking about you angel, me, our twenty three. i hope happiness finds you and everything in your life has been working out in your favor sweet jackpot. all that matters is your happiness, so please don’t ever doubt yourself because you’re truly lovable and capable of anything you put your will to. i am drowning in those deep feelings, memories but i’ll always care about you and i’ll always be a phone call away if you ever need anything.
my dear twenty three i pray you find those moments of joy, those moments i couldn’t give em to you. please forgive me for all the bad things that even time can’t completely heal. time, time, time, i hope it treats you right sweet vogelushe because that time is taking pleasure in kicking my ass. time plays tricks to the strongest ones, slowing down, hovering, until it freezes, leaving us stuck in a moment, leaving me stuck in our twenty three moments, unable to move in one direction or the other. time flies, time waits for no one. but they say time heals all wounds and i think i just need more time, time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go. but, my heart refuse, my soul refuse to forget the only sunshine to have ever warmed it. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck you time. she will always be mine